You Really Just Don't Think;

"Washing away the shame."

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So I broke down in tears in Spanish today because of the hurtful things Taylor was saying to me.

Telling me that I'm going to get my heart broken if I stop talking to me and I was the one who pushed him away when honestly he was pushing me away and I was trying so hard to pull him close. He only wanted one thing from me because he knew I wouldn't walk away because I completely adored him. He knew if he called me to fuck I would be like yeah let's go. I took a long hot shower when I got home, I just needed to wash the memories of him from my body, drown me in bleach and make me pure again. I'm done with my old ways I'm not giving it away until I've been dating the person for so long and Cass is okay with that I think that reassurance that I'm in charge of my body makes me feel comfortable with him, he lets me know it's my body and my life and I don't have to do anything I don't want to do and he makes sure he's not going to far with me because he can actually respect me unlike Taylor did. I was drunk the first night we fucked I didn't know what I was doing. I don't want another night like that because it makes me hurt inside to think that I let my body go when I couldn't even stand.

I couldn't comprehend anything.

I just need to wash away the shame and clean my heart, my body, and my mind of him.

He wasn't worth my time or my pain.

I'm seeing Cass later tonight and I just feel like I'm going to end up crying later because it just replays over and over my head.

I can't turn this movie off and I want it gone.

"Just get outta my head and let me go."