"You make breaking hearts look so easy. Seems like you've done this before. You've got breaking hearts all but down and you've done this, you've done this before. You make stealing hearts look so easy. Where is the girl I adore? You've got breaking up all but down and I can't love a thief anymore. Do you collect the souls you've lost in the top of your dresser drawer? Count the number of tears displaced on lonely bedroom floors." - Breaking By: Anberlin
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Today has been the worst day of my life and I swear to God that I'm just going to end everything. If I really care about you I'll talk to you, I'm getting rid of all my phone contacts so if you text me and there is no name to your number your getting ignored. I'm cleaning out my mass email list so if you stay on then you mean something to me. I'm tired of hiding behind my mask, I'm broken, I'm upset, I'm hurt and I never do as I'm told. I hope will all that I've done wrong I've done at least one thing right. I'm looking for a new school to transfer to this weekend and I'm working on moving out of my house and taking my dad to court. My step mom can just go fuck herself she made my dad sleep out on the couch because I'm a bad kid but her fucking children aren't any better than I am I just get caught more often than they do. I miss when it was just me and my dad, yeah I love all the other girls but it's just so stressful anymore. I just want to get so fucking drunk and so fucking high and just forget everything and live in a land where nothing makes sense but it's all perfect. Everyone is happy and all you have to worry about are broken bones not broken hearts, the only reason you would ever cry is because you were laughing so hard and you would smile so much your face would hurt. I feel like my entire life is a play and I'm the lead role and every time I fumble on my lines the crowd goes wild with rage, the curtain falls on me until I get it right. It's a constant battle to make people happy in my house hold, nothing is ever good enough for them. I've made so many attempts but I get pushed aside and I act out, lie, cheat, and steal just to get that few minutes of attention I'm longing for. I feel like I don't belong here right now and I need to get out of omaha, honestly I need to get the fuck outta here and I need to show everyone I just don't give a fuck anymore. You have a problem with me and you wanna talk shit, go right ahead your names and labels don't make me who I am and only God can judge me and I hope in the end your the one going to hell for all the wrong you've done. God knows I mean well and my intentions are for the good I just make mistakes and do wrong. Your intentions are bitter and hateful. You think that just because you spit my name you look so damn cool, your words hurt me but I will never let them break me. You're not worth my time to fight with, it's pointless because I know what I did and what I've done just remember one thing dear it's my life, and I'll do as I please because your not my mother and you can't make me do anything I don't want to do.
Life is such a beautiful thing but sometimes it just hurts so damn much. I just want to drink so much that I'll fall asleep and wake up in another world, I'm just so bothered today everything is just going wrong and I just want it to stop... But the world never stops turning for anyone I just have to stay on my feet and ride out the storm, the rain and lightning will pass in good time I just have to get there and soon the sun will shine and warm my cold body. I feel like the girl in the "Her Diamonds" music video by Rob Thomas, "And she says ooh I can't take no more, her tears like diamonds on the floor and her diamonds bring me down cause I can't help her now." Like seriously story of my life today, I'm so sick and tired of everyone yeah my life isn't the worst life ever but you don't know what happens behind closed doors, I only let you see so much of me. No one knows who I really am or who I will ever be I don't think anyone ever gets to see anyones true colors because we put on an act around different people. We try to fit in with everyone because we don't want to get left out of anything. Well I'm letting myself out of the group because I just can't take this anymore. I'm so tired of everything.
I think I'm going to take a nap and hopefully awake in another world.
Maybe I'll go to outer space or something
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